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Relationships, Breakups, Move-ons and Breakaways. Too much for the usual human mind to comprehend and way too much for the usual human emotions to handle and hence they end up always and always messing up.
Predominantly for most people, the quality of relationships that they hold in their lives largely decides the quality of life that they live. And because of this, people nowadays are only willing to hold fewer relationships – around 4 to 5 – thinking more will be trouble (How foolish?). When it is playing such an important role in your life, it needs to be looked at and needs to be looked upon. What is the basis of a relationship? Why do human beings need a relationship? Relationships, as we know, are formed on different levels and types to fulfil various types of needs – physical, psychological, emotional, social, financial or political. It is in the nature of human thoughts and emotions to chronically need another person because the physical nature of our existence is interdependent. We may talk otherwise but we are very dependent on other people and other lives for us just to survive.
But no relationship on the planet lasts forever, however much you may want it to. Life has its own ways of dealing with things and there is no changing that. The relationship with your parents starts during your birth but may end midway – either because you drifted apart or they drifted apart or you died or they died. The relationship with your siblings only last until either of you start settling down – mostly until marriage, post which they may still be in touch with you but their dynamics of life changes drastically and you will not have a place in theirs. The relationship with your friends may end after you graduate or a little later. The relationship you have with everyone else will cease to exist when either you cease to exist or them.
Whatever it is, when a relationship is coming to an end, we tend to extrapolate and stay aloof from the other person. People become ruthless and villainous or so lost. This is more so with a divorce, a breakup or a move apart. This is also the case when you are denied a life with your loved one. That is slightly understandable, knowing the nature of human beings. But essentially, this aloofness is coming from your inability to digest reality and your inability to deal with your own broken expectations.
Relationships are always meant to end someday because as you know, relationships always involve something or somebody other than you. Whatever you do can be under your control or consciousness but you can never do so for other people. It is always meant to end because it’s inevitable. Maybe now or after few years or decades. But it is always meant to end. Whenever it ends, it need not cause depression or anger or resentment in your life. Your “loss” is essentially psychological and emotional. It is never existential. Your loss is manifested in your thoughts and emotions but is not manifest in life.
Live in such a way that you are willing to die for that person right now but if they go away, you should be able to gracefully go ahead in life without anger, frustration, or misery. But while it lasts, live as if you’re willing to die for that person. Else, there is no sanctity to life.
I am aware that such characteristics could be termed as being selfish or a scrounger or exploiter. Gracefully ending it does not mean you do not care or that you will move on quickly. It means you respect the relationship and the object of the relationship so much that you just cherish every good moment you have, without thinking about the bad ones. Any relationship, be it with your spouse or lover or siblings or partners or parents or with anybody, has failed when you fail to live your life the way you used to live, after the end of a relationship.
Most of the time, after the end of any relationship, people start feeling lonely. If you feel terribly lonely with over 7.5 billion people on this planet, that’s not love – that’s just attachment. Because essentially, unlike modern-day usage – Love is not an instrument of any convenience. Love is a process of altruism and self-abandonment. Love is like pouring a thought into an undiscerning mind – it will only grow multifold without boundaries. It is natural for relationships to end. But love does not end. If it does end, remember, it’s not love. It’s only some sort of attachment or attainment. Nothing more.
If you’re approaching the end of any relationship, end it gracefully. That’s the royal salute you give to the other person for every good thing they have done for you. That’s the greatest gift you can give to your loved one. End it in such a way that they would always come back, if feasible.
