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Today, I write this piece of scrawl with an incoherent heart. Words are never enough to express and explain your inner feelings. Be it happiness or sadness. Be it love or acceptance. I usually have answers to my existing questions or atleast have methods to figure out answers to my existing questions. But I’m at a loss for words thinking about his demise. Words seem insufficient to express the depth of connection as I remember the 27 months I spent with a young and charming life who was not just my employee, but also a beacon of loyalty.
From the very beginning, it was evident that he had an immense hunger to learn and grow in Tech space. His eyes would light up with enthusiasm and ardour whenever we discussed new ideas or platforms. Till this day, what strikes me the most is his loyalty and commitment towards me. I have personally asked him to consider a career outside of Axiom at different situations but he just never left my side. In a world where loyalty and reverence often feels like a rare commodity, he stands tall as a shining example. What touched me deeply was the immense respect he had for me. It was a sentiment that went beyond our professional relationship, evolving into a genuine admiration and trust. I have always felt humbled by the fact that he looked up to me at all times and believed in the direction I was heading, even when things went sideways.
We’ve spent numerous hours together, working side by side, google meet hangouts, brainstorming. Beyond the office walls, we built an affinity that extended far beyond professional boundaries. He is more of a problem solver who thoroughly enjoyed engineering/creating things. Since I belong to same stock, I have sometimes felt that he just gets me – something I have never experienced with anyone I’ve known, bar one. I vividly remember each and every late-night conversation we had in the traumatic summer of 2021 over heartfelt discussions about life, parents, and fears. I recall meeting him at Kakinada, on 16th April 2022 – 10 months after he moved to his hometown. I recall the conversation I had with him whilst having our dinner.
But life is unpredictable, and life sometimes deals us cards that we’re ill-prepared to handle. We were in constant communication till an hour before he eventually passed away. The grief that engulfed me were indescribable. Obvious, nobody can never really be replaced. Everything and everyone play a unique role in our lives. He showed us that true friendship transcends professional boundaries and that trust is the foundation of any successful endeavor.
Over the last 6 months, he had worked towards becoming a mini me, somebody who can handle work without my constant involvement. It is disheartening that our time together has ended just when our actual work has began. I visited his house in Andhra Pradesh, to attend his cremation. The amount of respect I was shown by his family members and friends was appalling. It felt like a preconceived cognitive perception – something similar to the Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon. I always knew his family respected me but upon receiving it for the first time, It felt disheartening. The whole saga has been disheartening.
Sai, Thank you for adopting me as your elder brother. May you find stillness – the one you’ve always wished for – albeit, in our minds.
Great Varun. You treated him like a brother, not just as an Employee….